New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
