My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
