Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
