Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
