then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
