It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize