you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
