I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
even my farts smell like vagina
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
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