i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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