therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
