He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
