GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize