My friends, they love my intelligence
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
