So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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