I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
