He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize