Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
