Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
