hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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