If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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