the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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