just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
