you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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