why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
