Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize