I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
