Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
