i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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