Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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