Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
