Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
