pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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