she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
