I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
