What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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