If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
