He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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