Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
