the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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