OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
