he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
