I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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