Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
