I wish I could teleport
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
We named our party play list daddy issues
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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