why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
