Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
