you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize