and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Oh god it's open bar.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
