mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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