I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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