Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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