I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
