I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
