Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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