So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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