Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
3pm strippers are depressing
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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