**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
