i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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