Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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