I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
