So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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