if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
