I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
