i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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