Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
