If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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