If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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