God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
