His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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