The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
