So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
we're so committed to being not committed
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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