so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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