just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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