The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
