They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
