At least make sure they are 18
Why
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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