If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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