mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
