So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
