I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
