My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
