just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
