do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
