I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
