I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
