wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize