Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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