So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
my shit smells like andre
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
