I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
