I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
