3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
