my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
