she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
40s are totally the cure
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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