Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
