i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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