Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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