Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
