Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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