having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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