hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
