There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
