I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I didn't notice because vodka
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
