Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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