I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Dignity is for republicans.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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