Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
