I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
