I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
