I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
