Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
