so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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